Highlights and True Quotes From Our Engaged Encounter Weekend

Great Expectations
• “You know how I said ‘I’m sure they’re going to feed us the first night’? Well not only are they NOT feeding us but we are supposed to bring snacks to share.” These words were spoken by me a few hours before the retreat when I realized I was going to have to come up with dinner for us after all.
• “Don’t keep food in your rooms cause there’s a rat problem.” Spoken by, Paul, one of the facilitators the first evening. This caused Michael and I to look at each other in horror because we had left his dinner in his room.
• Upon realizing that he had grossly over packed for a weekend of non-stop discussions and meetings at a Catholic Mission, Michael laughed and said “I don’t know what I was expecting. I brought all these swimming trunks! Where’s the pool?”
  
  Father Jerry – The Priest
• “I’m your spiritual toilet.” Said by Father Jerry as he was trying to explain the role of a priest in confession.
• “When she’s a bitch you’ll have to love her anyway,” advice from Father Jerry to all the grooms.
  
  Learning New Skills
• At one point we had to look into our beloved’s eyes and apologize for a recent hurt and then ask for forgiveness. Since Michael and I haven’t really pissed each other off lately we both hesitated. Then he said softly, “I’m sorry about accidentally ripping your wedding dress.” As I choked for air he smiled and said, “kidding! kidding!” Miraculously, he still lives.
• During the weekend we were taught the 8 Rules of Arguing. They were pretty much standard things I’d heard before like “don’t go to bed angry,” and “don’t drag up past issues and arguments.” After we went through them Chris, one of the married facilitators, said, “Now there’s a Secret 9th Rule that is very effective. Write this down… Secret Rule #9 is Argue Naked!” I looked around and I’m quite certain every one us in the room had written THAT one down.
  
  Learning to Appreciate What You Have – The Other Couples
• “I’ve had enough of this shit.” This was said by a guy to his fiancée while we were standing in line for lunch on the last day. “See honey, at least I’m not him,” whispered Michael (who was also getting antsy at this point) to me after overhearing this.
• “You scared the crap out of me this morning,” Michael’s roommate to Michael as he recounted discovering that Michael wasn’t under the mound of blankets on the second morning. (Michael had snuck back home to sleep in our bed because the Mission beds were torturing his back and his roommate was snoring like a bear with a buzz saw.)
  
  Sharing Time – You Learn So Much, You Really Do
• One of the exercises involved responding yes or no to 16 statements. We each answered them without letting the other see our responses. Then they asked the questions again and if you said yes you were supposed to stand up. That way you could see where you and your sweetheart disagreed. Michael and I only disagreed on two. The first was “We will write the ‘Thank you’ notes together.” Since I know darn well I will be writing them I wrote: NO. Michael said, “what, I’m going to help!” “I know you’ll INTEND to help,” I said “but really you don’t like doing that sort of thing so I know I’ll be doing them.” “That’s true,” and then he smiled – so really we didn’t disagree on that one. The Second statement we had different answers on was: “I want to have a child of my own gender, even if it means having more children than we originally intended.” Again, I wrote: NO. Once again Michael was standing on his own. Of course pretty much every guy in the room was standing alone. All the women were looking at their men with “yeah, right buddy!” expressions on their faces. “Uh-huh that one usually ends up with all the men standing,” said Father Jerry. “Well, I have to continue my family name,” Michael said.
• During the weekend everyone was encouraged to put questions into a box. Later during the Question and Answer segment several anonymous questions were pulled from the box. One was: “What do you do if you know she’s going to be fertile on the honeymoon but you both aren’t ready to start a family yet?” Keeping in mind this a Catholic retreat and discussions of Natural Family Planning had been happening, this question was met with a few wimpy non-answers. Then Michael sang out… “TROJAN MAN!!” Everyone laughed. “That’s not Natural Family Planning, honey,” I whispered trying not to laugh. “Oh sorry you guys have so many rules.” Still more half-assed answers were offered. Finally I just spoke up, “C’mon people you have more than one body part to work with. You can achieve the same honeymoon goals with OTHER parts of the body, you know!” Everyone pretty much got the message. So clearly in fact, that Diane one of the elderly married facilitators said, “okay well I think we’re done with THAT question. Let’s move on to another.” Well jeez, sorry. But I tried to be tactful about it. I mean it’s not like I actually came right out and said, “blow job.”
  

I cannot tell a lie...

I was planning to. There's this thing I was going to lie about. I won't go into it. But it was stupid. I was supposed to do something by a certain date, which I did not do. I was going to lie and insist that I did it so I would not look like a dork.

But God does not want me to lie. So it is better that I be a dork than a liar. That's kind of what He wanted to talk to me about at lunch. Only it wasn't a talk so much as a feeling. I just found this overwhelming revulsion over the idea of picking up the phone to call in my lie. So I just said, "fuck it." And as soon as I let that go, I felt like God was happy about it. I'm not entirely happy about it but I'm pretty sure He is.

I thought about the mist yesterday. About what it meant. There I was driving through it but that takes faith because there could be a wreck in the road ahead that I couldn't see. I mean it may as well have been pitch black. That's what I need to be able to do spiritually. To just move forward even though I don't know what's in the road ahead. I have to trust God and stay on the path. That's soooo hard.

After the wedding we are pretty much going to start trying for a family right away. But the truth is I don't want to be a working mom. I can't possibly keep my job with its killer commute and be a good mom. I just can't imagine not taking care of my kid first. But I don't know if we can afford for me not to work. I'm afraid of Michael getting overstressed from the burden of supporting us alone. Plus I actually LIKE working. I like my job. So for me the best answer would be to work out of the home. But the last time I did freelance, I really struggled. So I have ideas of other stay at home work I can do.

But then the big question is ... CAN I do it ? Will people actually pay me to do the kind of work I want to do? Will my family suffer? I don't know the future but I haven't changed my mind. I want to be a mom. I just keep moving forward through the mist. I'm just trying to trust God. An honest dork bumbling through a fog on faith, that's me. It's nice and yet it sucks too. It's a rollarcoaster and I don't like rollarcoasters. But I refuse to get off.

Into the Mist

I have a lunch date tomorrow.

I was driving home today and there was an uncharacteristic fog covering a stretch of freeway. It was mystical and I started thinking that God was there in the mist. And in my imagination I heard a voice say, "you think I'm here because of the mist? I'm here all the time. What makes the mist so special?"

But I immediately thought that this imaginary voice was not God but was only the voice of my faith talking. And no sooner did this cross my mind than a large Lays potato chip truck crossed in front of me. And the tagline blared out in giant letters...

LET'S DO LUNCH!

So tomorrow I'm going to have lunch with God. I don't know if I'll go to church or just go somewhere quiet to pray. But I have a lot to think about. And a lot that I need to talk over with Him.

I'll let you know if He shows up. To be continued...

A True Story

A long time ago I worked for the phone company. I was one of those people who answered when you called up declaring your innocence to when you discovered a slew of calls to the Pyschic Hotline on your phone bill. Or more accurately I was the one you got transferred to when you were so pissed off that you started screaming at the first person you were talking to.

One day I got a call from a secretary who was livid on behalf of her very important boss. It seemed that the phone bill on the line at his summer home was doubling every month and he felt we were ripping him off because there was no one in the house to use the phone. If we didn't do something about it immediately he'd report us to the FCC and bring down the wrath of the government on us.

So I pulled up his account and sure enough the balance was doubling every month in the empty house. Another rep had already checked for crossed lines (which can cause you to be billed for other people's calls) so I knew that wasn't the problem. Then I looked closer at the balance.

Apparently this very important personage had overpaid his last bill of the previous summer and had a $5 credit balance. Which he subsequently paid. Giving him a $10 credit balance. When he again paid! This continued on until he got an $80 bill and finally got fed up. I explained this to her and pointed out the notation on the bill that said "credit balance. do not pay." Then I issued a refund check.

So who was this very important man?
The late Supreme Court Chief Justice William Renquist.
I swear it's true.
Brilliant man but couldn't pay a phone bill.
Those will be some tough shoes to fill.
(Looking back I suspect the secretary's FCC threat was her own idea. I've worked for Hollywood producers and I know that "you'll never work in this town again" type ploy is a favorite of over-stressed assistants who are trying to impress their bosses with results.)

By the way, I didn't tell this story to speak ill of the dead. Just to show that these people we deify are in fact very human. I always smiled and remembered this incident when his name was mentioned in the news.

Zombi-fied

That's how I feel this morning.

We did our Engaged Encounter this weekend. It was really good. But emotionally and physically draining. I hadn't quite recovered from it yesterday at work. Work was non-stop busy. Today will be as well.

Last night there was wicked thunder and lightening storm. It sounded and felt like explosions all night long right outside the house. I hardly slept at all.

This morning I was such a zombie I left the house without my purse and had to drive home and get it. I'd have said "screw it" but I know I need to get gas in order to get home tonight. I finally got into work at 9am.

I'm supposed to meet the wedding planner at the church tonight to go over flowers and some other details that are slipping my mind.

The office at home is a mess and I have to clean it.

I want sleep.

I'll have to cook dinner.

I took some chicken out to thaw last night and the ants got to it this morning. Ants suck.

There's some good news. Michael made me coffee this morning so I didn't kill myself driving in by falling asleep at the wheel. Also I found out my Aunt Rita changed her mind and she is coming to the wedding. That makes me happy. Aunts don't suck.

False Alarm!

No hernia. Just a pulled groin muscle. Whew!

And to spread a little joy meet my new friend...

Top 5 Stress Factors This Week

1. Michael still hasn't asked his friends to be best man and groomsman-- and wedding is 3 WEEKS away.
2. I have over 100 pictures to scan in to finish our reception video and the editing software is pissing me off.
3. Still not finished with the damn broom cause I keep changing my mind on how I want to do it.
4. Michael needs to have the suit I bought him altered and he seems to be in no big hurry.
5. He informed me last night that he thinks he has developed a hernia. I've been begging him to take things easy for weeks cause he's been working on the house day and night. The only other person I know who had a hernia had to have surgery and it took weeks to recover. (Well, he's gonna have to suffer until after the honeymoon, that's all I can say!!!!)

(Kidding about letting him suffer of course. I just finished leaving him another message to get to the doctor's TODAY!!)

Levey Leverage

It seams like both sides of the Katrina blame game are using the Levey funding as leverage in assigning fault. While I admit that I despise George Bush in the interest of fairness I have to ask...

1. If he had not cut funding to the Levey project would it really have been done in time to prevent the Katrina catastrophe?
2. Considering how long it takes for government to complete any project (I heard one report that said the project had been underway for 30 years and was only 85% done) would it have been complete even if they had been working on it from day one of his administration?
3. I've heard that at least the last 3 administrations have also diverted funds that would have gone to the levey. Would it be more appropriate to blame them?
4. Do we even know if the plans for the levey project would have resulted in leveys that were strong enough to hold back the amount of water that Katrina moved? Isn't it possible that even a fully upgraded levey would have failed anyway?

I have no friggin' idea what the answer to these questions are (especially #4). But I'd like to know before I go placing the blame for the Leveys failing at ANY administration's feet; past or present.

It just seams to me that when you build a city close to water and you build it below sea level you are basically at the mercy of God and nature. There may well have been nothing we could do to hold back the flood. Perhaps antedeluvian New Orleans is a modern reverse Tower of Babal. Perhaps we (our forefathers I mean) were too vain in thinking we could put a city in a hole and by the sea and neither the forces of heaven nor earth could do anything about it.

Now as for responsibility in rescuing people. I want to see somebody in chains for that shit.

Jumping The Broom

This is to answer Christine's question on my last post. I forget that most people don't know what the heck a Jumping Broom is. So don't feel bad Christine.

Jumping the broom is a tradition that had it's origins in Africa and then came to the US during the days of slavery. Slave unions were not legally recognized and so the usual ceremonies were a little different. For the African slaves the broom was a symbol of the household and a symbol of sweeping away the past. So to announce to the community that they intended to live as man and wife from that point on they would jump hand in hand over a broom placed on the ground.

The tradition slumped a bit after slavery. But it gained popularity again after Alex Haley's Roots mini-series brought it back into the spotlight. However some families like mine have been doing it for generations. Incidentally the same tradition was common in Europe at one time. However to my knowledge the only people of European descent who still do it are practicioners of wicca. I don't know much about the traditions or ceremonies there so I defer to anyone who knows more.

African Americans who jump the broom will typically buy a very ornately decorated broom or decorate one of their own. I'm well known in my family for decorating brooms. I've done six or seven for different relatives. So I have the added pressure of doing something spectacular for my own. Originally I was going to actually try to MAKE the broom but that prooved a little too much. So I opted for the standard craft broom and I'm just going to decorate it. When I'm done, I'll post a picture.

The Jumping ceremony is done differently for different families. Some families do it in the church after the bride and groom have been pronounced husband and wife or just outside the church as they leave. A friend of mine whose husband is Jewish combined the broom jumping and the glass breaking in one ceremony which was cool. (I'd like to somehow combine traditions like that. If Michael's cousin Charlie follows through with his idea we could be jumping the broom to Scottish bagpipes. Charlie is coming all the way from Scotland and he's promised to wear a kilt at the very least.)

In my family we jump the broom at the start of the reception when the newlyweds are announced upon their entrance. One of my uncles usually gives a short speech explaining everything I just wrote here for the benefit of those who may not be familiar. And then it's 1-2-3... and over we go!!!

By the way we have saying in our family: "the first one to hit the ground rules the house." So far it's proved true. I told Michael about that and he just laughed and said, "don't worry honey you can be the first one over. It's okay by me."
Now did I pick a good one, or what!

UPDATE: I forgot to mention that I added a little something a few years ago to our family tradition. During the bridal shower I bring the broom and have all the women write a prayer or wish for the couple on tiny note cards that they tie to the broom. It looks amazing to have all those tiny whisps of white paper fluttering away on the broom. I did that for my friend a few years ago and the effect is really powerful.

30 Days...

...and counting until my wedding.

So my posts are going to become sporadic over the next month. I'll try to contribute to all the fun stuff (HNT, Haiku Thursday and Flash Fiction) as I can. But you'll have to forgive me for my inconsistency.

I'm losing my mind. Can you believe Michael has not even confirmed who's going to be his best man?!!!! ARRRGGGHHH!!!! It's okay I'm calm. Really.

I just have to get his suit altered. Finish the wedding CDs (including designing the art work). Edit my video gift for Michael (it's a surprise. It's nothing naked or anything but it's going to have a tribute to his Dad who passed away when Michael was 12.) Buy a mini DVD player (so I can show the video at the reception.) Decorate our jumping broom. Pickup my dress. Deliver the cake topper to the baker. Confirm the guest list. Help Michael finish clearing out the guest house. Get his ring. Pick up my ring that's being re-set. and... and.... Oh god... panicking... list is soooo long... so much more stuff than this... *whimper*

Just need to hold on... Martini Friday in less than 32 hours... good
Tequila shot Thursday in less than 8 hours... even better.

And another thing…

This past week I’ve had a couple of conversations, read a few blog exchanges and listened to a few newsreports where folks seem to think that all the looting of non-essentials (TVs and VCRs etc.) and taking pot shots at rescuers (which from what I can tell was not nearly as wide spread as was first reported) have something to do with Katrina survivors being poor and/or welfare recipients.

On the one side I hear people saying something to the effect that this is some kind of psychological reaction. There was even a Pyschologist that tried to somehow justify the behavior based on oppression or some such nonsense. On the other side I hear people saying that the looters and shooters are upset that they won’t be getting welfare checks now. And that’s what it’s about.

What the hell? Stealing TVs and VCRs is not a reaction to poverty or a loss of welfare. It is a result of low character and there is no excuse. Is it more likely to happen if the person is poor? Maybe, maybe not. To the extent that poverty often brings with it an inadequate education, that could be true. If you think you can get money for a water-logged big screen TV your problem is more one of intelligence deficiency than finances. (Mayor Nagin suggests the looters were drug addicts. That maybe true in part but I doubt it’s true in all cases.) This is just a glimpse into the worst side of “HUMAN” nature not the nature of the poor or of any specific ethnic group.

But my main problem with both of these attitudes is that the looters/shooters are getting lumped together with the mass of survivors who are justifiably angry at not being rescued in a timely manner. They are citizens of the richest nation in the world. They deserve more.

You have one side saying that, “well they are mostly black so that is why no one cares.” There may a small amount of truth in that but not enough to convince me, because the outpouring of compassion and generosity from my fellow Americans is telling me different. The hold up was a ponderous bureaucracy being more ponderous than normal; magnified by indifference to the value of the human lives at stake. But the overwhelming desire to help among Americans was there. As soon as we started seeing the images of what was happening we reacted. I doubt the survivors anger is directed at their fellow citizens so much as it is at the government that behaves like it doesn’t give damn until it gets embarrassed in the press.

Then there is the other side saying that the survivors are angry because their handouts are now gone. WTF?! This isn’t about a late welfare check, people!!! This is about dying in your own home waiting for days for rescue that never comes. This is about not having food, water, shelter and medical attention while Air Force One dips over head for a peek. This is about the elderly dying in cesspools of sewage. It’s about children being separated from their parents. This is about being told that supplies can’t get through even as you are interviewed by a press that somehow managed to get hundreds of reporters and their equipment in from day one.

The survivors were and still are angry BECAUSE THEY WERE LEFT TO DIE FOR DAYS!!!!

There are still people who await rescue and already there are hints that the hand of hospitality that’s been extended to these refugees is destined to grow cold. The President’s own mother: "What I'm hearing, which is sort of scary, is they all want to stay in Texas. Everyone is so overwhelmed by the hospitality. And so many of the people in the arena here, you know, were underprivileged anyway, so this is working very well for them." (emphasis mine.)

It’s “scary” that they might want have roof over their heads as opposed to going back to a pile of rubble? Living in a mass camp is “working for very well for them,” is it? No Mrs. Bush it’s scary that you don’t understand a damn thing about human beings and you raised the man who is leading this nation. And by the way, I’d bet that every last person in the Astrodome can’t wait until it’s safe to go back and try to salvage what they can and start rebuilding. These folks don’t think they are at sleep-away camp. If they can’t go back home they’re not going to start putting up pictures on the walls of the Astrodome and buying bedroom furniture; they’re going to try to get housing and jobs so they can start living again.

Believe it or not the poor do have pride. Maybe some of them were getting handouts before this happened. But so the fuck what!! What the hell does that have to with their basic needs for food, shelter and safety. And don't forget, a hell of lot of them had jobs too. Maybe not 6-figure jobs, hell maybe not even 5-figure jobs. But they had 'em and they worked for a living. And guess what! Jobs are all gone. In fact the folks on welfare are better off because they already in the system. The handout will not be cut off for them. The people who are truly cutoff from financial assistance are the ones whose jobs were drowned in rush of water.

Alot of these peopleowned small businesses. Some had homes that had been in their families for generations. They may not speak main stream American English but they have a sense of honor (looters & shooters not withstanding). They may not have been rich but they did have dignity. Now that they have lost every possession they’ve ever owned; is too much to ask that they be afforded the respect that every other honorable citizen in this country has come to expect? Is it too much to ask to have them retain at least a shred of that dignity without the mother of the President (among others) implying that they've just become a bunch freeloaders?

Okay. Rant over for now.

George Bush Is NOT a Racist. – “Forget You!”

“George Bush doesn’t care about black people.”
This was the statement made by Kayne West (whoever the hell that is)– in the manner of a schoolboy stiffly reciting his lines in a play– that has everybody talking. For the record I want to say that I don’t believe that. Sure it may seem that way on the surface especially in the black community. Heck, I’ve even said it a time or two myself. But there are a lot of poor whites suffering in Louisiana right now too.

So maybe it’s the poor he doesn’t care about. But you know I don’t think that’s it either. A large percentage of the poor are fighting his groovy little war for him so he’s got to care... at least a little. I was thinking about it a lot as I watched CNN this weekend. Then it finally crystallized for me… George doesn’t care about people who are not useful to him.

It has nothing directly to do with the color of their skin or their income level. It has to do with their usefulness to him. It’s a matter of profitability. We’re always hearing about low voter turn out among the poor so you know his party can’t rely on their votes. And even though there was slightly better turn out from the poor in the last presidential election it still wasn’t that high. Maybe it was because so many of them were turned away at the polls. But you know all that’s just anecdotal, right? Yeah sure it is. What do you expect? They all had the same names as criminals.

Also if you are below the poverty level you don’t pay taxes. If you are getting any kind of government aid you are just draining the system. If you were an employee in a company it’d be like you were getting a paycheck while … I dunno… blogging all day. You have to contribute to the bottom line. If not, you’re fired!

I think that’s why he didn’t crack the whip over FEMA’s head within the first 24 hours of Katrina. The value of the people the affected and of New Orleans in particular had not yet been established. But he underestimated the love of this country for New Orleans. Hell, the world loves New Orleans. His flyby on Monday was an insult to every human being who has ever donned Mardi Gras beads. He just figured, “well that’s what I got FEMA for, so I don’t have to deal with this mess.”

And in a way he’d be right. FEMA should have responded faster. At least that’s what it looks like right now. We’ll know more as more is revealed. But HE IS the President. He HAS to get his hands dirty no matter what FEMA is doing. And if they are moving too slowly, then he ought to step in and kick some ass.

But the people in Katrina’s wake didn’t manifest their value until he began to get criticism for his neglect of them. Then suddenly he knew exactly what their value was. They’ve got P.R. value – BIG TIME! This kind of thing can derail a legacy. Heck, it could derail a political party. And George knows what side his bread is buttered on. If wants to keep whatever retirement plan his oil buddies have set up for him, then he’d better leave a strong Republican Party behind in 2008.

So my response to Kayne is: You’re wrong, brother. It’s not that our President doesn’t ‘care about black people.’ It’s that he doesn’t care about anyone who’s not useful to him. Black, white, brown, rich, poor, middle class; if you’re not useful, you have no meaning to him. Now isn’t it comforting to know he’s not a bigot? Sure makes me feel all warm inside.

When we were kids we used to dismiss someone we didn’t care about with the words, “Forget You!”

Don’t support his war – “Forget You!”
Don’t support his agenda – “Forget You!”
Don’t believe in his version of Christianity – “Forget You!”
Think he lied about WMDs - “Forget You!”
Think he’s raping the environment for oil – “Forget You!”
Think he’s ignoring global warming to our peril – “Forget You!”
You don’t vote Republican – “Forget You!”
Think he’s botched the handling of this disaster - “Forget You!”
Hate his Social Insecurity proposals – “Forget You!”
Rich Democrat who wants him out of office – “Forget You!”
Poor Republican who wants him out of office – “Forget You!”
Grieving mother who wants answers on why he lied about Iraq.– “Forget You!”
Dying hurricane victim whose been waiting for rescue for a week on a rooftop. ­“Forget You!” … oh wait, is that a CNN camera beaming your desperate visage into the homes of people across the globe?…the response to this crisis is “Unacceptable!”

Peeve of the day: Hungry Eyes

Lately my eyeballs have been eating a lot... and it's getting on my nerves.

Does this ever happen to you? You get some kind of little fuzzy or a piece of dust in your eye and it floats across your pupil like a drive-by cataracts blurring your vision. By the time you get to a mirror and give yourself the evil gypsy eye by pulling your lower lid down the little floater has mysteriously disappeared.

This happened to me this morning. I got out of the shower and dried my face only to discover that something that felt like a spool of loose thread was trapped under my eyelid teasing my pupils every time I blinked. But before I could clear the condensation off the mirror my eyeball had swallowed the whole damn thing.

My eyeballs are ravenous. They eat everything that touches them. What concerns me is that I’m fairly certain that they don’t have a separate digestive tract that I know of. So where is it all going? I have this vision of the back of my eyes looking somewhat like the underside of a bachelor’s sofa cushions with crumbs, lint, buttons, condom wrappers, spare change and pizza crusts stuffed into the crevices. Thank god I can't roll my eyes that far back, cause I really don't think I want to know.

Occasionally a well placed application of eyedrops or a dousing of Collyrium in an eyecup can have an ipecac-like cleansing effect. But lately there’s been no guarantee that the offending particles will be regurgitated. My baby browns have gorged themselves on all manner of lint, thread, eye shadow particles and flakes of dried mascara.

And they are clearly not vegan either. Cat hair, my own eyelashes, even tiny gnats flying recklessly; all have met their demise behind my ocular orbs. I pity the person who gets into a street fight with me and tries to poke me in my Venus Fly Trap Peepers. That fool’s gonna loose an arm!
*blink-blink*gulp*blink-blink*burp!*
All gone!!

HNT Poll: New Shoes!

Okay I bought these shoes at Ross on Tuesday. I don't need these shoes. But I like these shoes. I have too many shoes. But these shoes were only $20 and the heels aren't too high which I like. And they fit my feet which are very narrow and hard to find shoes for, but I DON'T NEED THEM. I bought another pair of shoes that I AM taking back, plus a 3rd pair that I'm definitely keeping. But these shoes are up in the air. They are sooooo cute, but I soooo don't NEED them.

This is your HNT poll:What do you think I should do?

Should they stay or should they go now?