Monday, May 16, 2005

15 Things to do at Wal-Mart

Because…
- I actually went to Wal-Mart, land-o-mediocrity, today
- Somebody emailed me this and I laughed my butt off
- And I have nothing original of my own to say for today.

15 Things to do at Wal-Mart while your spouse/partner is taking their sweet time

  1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples' carts when they aren't looking.
  2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
  3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
  4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares and see what happens.
  5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
  6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
  7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring in pillows from the bedding department.
  8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
  9. Look right into the security camera; use it as a mirror, & and pick your nose.
  10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti- depressants are.
  11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the Mission Impossible theme.
  12. In the auto department, practice your Madonna look using different size funnels.
  13. Hide in a clothing rack; when people browse through, say PICK ME!
  14. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!
  15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while; and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

3 comments:

Sara said...

lol So funny, I think I'm gonna print that out and keep it in my purse for the next time I go into Wal-Mart. We just got a Super Wal-mart so things there are extra chaotic, which would make most of those twice as fun.

Jamie Dawn said...

Great stuff! I go to Wal-Mart on a regular basis, and it's my poor kids who have to wait around for me. I'll pass on these great ideas for them to pass the time.

A. Estella Sassypants said...

Found you on Steph's blog, and the title was too good to resist.

There used to be a "50 Fun Things to Do in an Elevator" floating around that was hilarious as well. This one was always a favorite, though.