Monday, April 18, 2005

Am I Asking Too Much?

It’s fun to be judgmental. I mean really fun to walk around acting like you know it all. It’s great laughs to make fun of the people you disagree with when they are not around. You can gleefully tell yourself and other likeminded folks what fools those mortals be, as if you had painted God into your own private corner.

So why doesn’t it give me joy? Shouldn’t fun and joy be the same? Well clearly not, or I else I would be blissed out right now. I have a superiority complex just like everybody else – but mine is much better, of course. I know that I should be more humble. More aware. More in the moment. Less obsessed with who is right, who will win or who will get their butt stomped by karma or divine justice first. I think the end of the world is just around the corner. Or maybe it’s never coming and we can just act like idiots and screw each other because eternity is way off and the worst that can happen is that you come back as a slug or an ameoba in the slime on the belly of a slug. In which case there's no where to go but up. But still it's a tedious way to get to enlightenment.

I want to get up early in the morning and make a cup of coffee. Take it out to the yard and sit on one of the big boulders on the hillside and just be me in the middle of creation while God paints a morning sky. I want to forget that there is anything apart from me in the world and just take for granted that I don’t have to be a saint or a prophet or a celebrity writer. I’d like to see a day where I don’t once hold my breath or suck the air through my teeth in frustration at my brother and sister humans. I’d like to turn off the t.v. and not be so startled by the silence that I dive headlong for the remote. I’d like to consciously enjoy a moment of peace for longer than a moment before my mind wanders off in search of my worries. I'd like to forget everything I know and for once laugh in anticipation of all that I still have to learn.

Is that too much too ask?

1 comment:

Truecraig said...

Join the club. If I could just figure out how to phrase the question, so that it fits exactly what I am honestly trying to ask, then I might be satisfied enough to ignore what would probably be a most disappointing answer.

Glad I dropped by here this morning.