Friday, April 22, 2005

Don’t Hate Me Because I’m (black &) Beautiful!

This blogging is fun and educational too . I’ve read some really thought provoking and challenging stuff. And some pretty funny stuff too. Fortunately I don’t really take myself too seriously or I might be overly sensitive to the things people write. But I like that I can be wrong. Not that I have been wrong about anything! I’m not saying that…nope… no surrender here…boy-o! Just that I CAN be.

I really AM trying to figure it out. Understand my own mind. Vent my mindless and mindful frustrations at the world. I like the dialog with myself and others.

But I guess I do have my hot button. A few weeks ago there was a yahoo article on how Camden NJ is the most dangerous city in the US. My home town, of course. And you know they have to throw in quotes from the most uneducated person they can find; complete with bad grammar and all. And yes Camden is a very black city ethnically.

So I’m reading the posts and comments… about 900 or so of them (I only read about a third). And nearly 80% of them are racist rantings. It really scares me how much mindless racism there is. I don’t knock anybody’s free speech. But it’s heart breaking to know that there’s so many people who hate you just for being black. I mean I read that thing almost 3 weeks ago and it still bugs me.

Damn! It makes me look over my shoulder and wonder what people are saying about me. Wonder if my neighbors are training rifle sites on my bedroom window. Bad enough I’m black, and living in a nice neighbor, but marrying a white man no less…I’m like the scourge of the earth for these people.

They would think I stole my Ivy League education from some more deserving white kid. Forget that I had 3.8 GPA and extracurricular and community service activities up the ying -yang. Forget that I had no scholarship cash at all. Forget that I worked three jobs, and increased my course load in order to finish a semester ahead of my peers. Forget all that; it must have been affirmative action because all us brown skinned people are ignorant monkeys. That’s the kind of stuff these people think.

I don’t get it. And I’m not sure I want to. I’m just saying is all. (Okay I swear this is my last post today. )


Sara said...

I was born, raised and still live in a pretty small comunity where black folks are few and far between but hicks are abundant, but I was raised right by my parents not to be predjudice against anyone. I have known my share of white supremicists and the like and I never understood them. I even looked at the kkk website just to try and understand where they were coming from and it only disgusted me, they had absolutely no legitimate basis for their hate.
I have mulled this around in my mind a lot and the only conclusion I can come to is ignorance.
The reasons for their hate is nothing more than the same crap that's been passed down for generations since the first Africans were brought over, and these people blindly believe and follow what they've been taught instead of getting out and finding out for themselves. And you shouldn't form an opinion just from one experience you may have had with one person or one small group. If I did that, I would believe that everyone in the world is a bunch of evil fuck heads and that just isn't the case.
Honestly, I'm much more afraid of white folks, in general, than any other race but I think it's ridiculous to stereotype and judge people as a group.
Like I said, ignorance. Idiots are idiots, no matter what color, gender, sexual preference etc.
And it feels like it puts pressure on me when people are prejudice like that because I'm always afraid I will come off like that or people might just assume I am because I'm white. It makes me feel like I have to be extra careful not to look or say anything offensive. Not that that is comparable to what you have to face.

Girl With An Alibi said...

Sara- It's so funny you say that. My best friend Anne is white and she comes from a very similar background only most of her family was not tolerant. The thing is, because her town was so white she never realized how her relatives felt. Once when we were in college she told me about a conversation she had with her mom where her mom said that she didn't think that I and another black girl Anne was friends with were good enough for her as friends. Anne just hung up the phone on her. It always amazes me that she could turn out so open minded. But people like her and you do restore my faith. Fortunately Anne's mom has become more enlightened over the years (she'd better since Anne married a black man and now she has a bi- racial grandson ;-D)
Thanks for your kind words.

Shayne said...

It is definitely ignorance. I've never meant one single intellectual or witty bigot. My favorite is the bigots who really claim not to be bigots. I can't tell you how many times I've heard something along the lines of "I knew this Mexican back in high school, and I didn't have any problem with him. He hardly got into any trouble."

Girl With An Alibi said...

My stepdad said there was always one backhanded compliment that he hated because he knew he was talking to a closet bigot. As soon as he met someone and they realized that he didn't "speak jive" so to speak they would say "Oh you are so ARTICULATE!" They just assumed he was going to sound uneducated even if they could see he was wearing an expensive suit and knew he was head of his department, they still thought he would be ignorant. It's like damn, he DID go to college, what did you expect?